David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary
i used to fall fast and hard. real hard.
i’ve gotten my heart bruised a couple times.
my hands were bloodied against the jagged hills i’d try to climb.
my face was a mask i’d paint and repaint everyday.
i was such a try hard.
unlucky for me, i fell for you like that - fast and hard.
my heart would beat so intensely every time i saw you - i felt the bruises everywhere by the end of the day.
i tried to reach out to you, but i wasn’t able to get over those damn mountains - it stung worse than paper cuts.
i wanted you to notice me (senpai), so i drew lines and dabbed colors onto my face - i didn’t know a thing i was doing.
i was so determined.
nothing seemed to work.
i knew i was expecting too much, but i had this stupid little voice in the back of my mind screaming for me to “have faith!”
well, i did. but what good did that do?
faith wasn’t the only thing i held onto for you.
i also held onto that special spot in my heart
stupidity, foolishness, whatever you prefer to call it - i lived and breathed it.
i waited for a long time for you. much longer than how princesses waited for their prince charmings to come along (which, by the way, is utter bullshit).
i got tired.
January 19th-20th, 2014